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4 years ago
Jun 22, 2010
-4.55pm-
This is a moment of, well, I don't know actually.
I've just finished my exams and the first thing I did was not to go home but stay in the library instead (how astonishing, if I may say so)
Again, a lot of things happened, good and bad. Mostly good but the bad (maybe not bad but sad) really bad.
Firstly, good things are like being able to control my emotions better, and a better relationship with God.
Bad things, are Febrina, my dear and lovely life group leader and friend, left NZ (hopefully she comes back soon), and the isolation and hurt I felt due to L and W.
I realise that it's absolutely stupid to get hurt by people (not even friends) repeatedly over and over for the same reason. But truth is, I just can't help it and it's just the way it is.
And the whole reason for leaving Malaysia is evident as ever, sadly because that's where I spent my whole life till I came here.
Which is why I hate being reminded so much how the really little things can prevent my happiness today.
All my life, my only goal was to be happy.
To have a happy life, a happy family of my own (though I'm still too young to say that), a happy relationship with people. But the past two years had only, and only pushed me to the edge, and I fell from a very, very high cliff.
I really want simple things, simple enough for anyone to understand.
When I cry, I only need an understanding and caring friend. In difficult situations, a friend who would always choose the right thing to do, even if it means sacrificing one's self.
Because I would also do the same. My word is as good as a promise.
It's really hard to find a BFF.
Maybe that's why Paris Hilton is making money out of her "Paris Hilton's My New BFF" show on MTV (I still think it's a stupid show btw).
The days, holidays, two weeks of freedom, but what lays ahead?
I figure I have lots of novels to read (don't discriminate the way I spend my time, in fact, I am very happy READING). Other than that, I think the boys are planning a skiing trip. Need to ask Daddy to fund me though.
The triangle of money, friendship and love. It's such a cliché.
Sometimes when I find myself get caught up in this spider web, I just want to rebel. REBEL AS HARD AS I CAN.
Which explains the need for a punching bag (I've said this many times before, sigh).
Hint, hint anyone? My birthday's 26th of December, plenty of time to save up for my Christmas combined birthday present.
With this sudden erupt to an end. I need a breather. Away I go, off to home, I'm hungry, I'm a bit emo.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot that I'm supposed to hand in my resume to work in Borders. Typical me, cross your fingers, I really want to work in a book store. =)
********************************************
Because it seems impossible for me to deny its existence that would cause me sudden pains in my chest, I choose to bury it as deep as possible. With no intentions to dig it up again.
Never to reoccur, I'll let it turn to dust and soon itself, turns to nothing.
I'll do whatever it takes, just to gain back my dearly missed days. Being happy.
The reason why I keep repeating my emo situations for the same reason is obviously because I still care for the people who are concerned. Even though I've said my good byes but it's difficult to part, because I'm just not like that.
I can't throw away feelings.
But at one point, I really hope someone will throw it away for me, because I just can't do it. But, because I am forced to, and am forcing myself. I need help. I hope it comes soon.
Labels: Averages
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