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Jun 1, 2010

Tunnels

Posted by Ern T. at 7:01 PM

I just had a few minutes with W.

Well, mostly it's about reasoning and arguing about why I broke off with L.

I repeated to W things that I wished someone would have told me when I was confused last year.

I concluded that no matter how much I love someone, the right way is always the best way.
The right thing should trump over my heart's desire.
Because what I desired, was what that was killing me softly, and I was willing to be in that place for a long time.
It went on for so long, because all matters was how much I love him, and how much I know I'm willing to sacrifice for him, always waiting for the end of the tunnel, where the light of hope would come eventually, as I believed.
But you know, not all tunnels have an opening on the other side.
And sooner or later, disappointed, you'll find a dead end instead.

So, the quicker you turn back, the faster you'll get back into the light of day.
I hope that I won't go back to the same dead end tunnel, getting disappointed all over.
Because unless God equipped me with a golden hammer to break through that darned, hard and cold brick-layered wall, I would never ever go to the other side of the the tunnel, no matter how much I claw my way through desperately in despair, finally giving up when all my energy is wasted. And a pool of tears gathers at my feet from all the crying I will do.

I told W, that I don't want to live in his shadow, and I don't want to see him living in L's shadow. But he doesn't see it that he is that.
Maybe I'm wrong or maybe I'm right. Time will tell, hopefully everything will be alright.
And for me, I want to look for new opportunities, most importantly, open up myself to it.

I learnt that, sometimes, it's hard to make a choice out of the love you have for yourself, than for other people. Because your heart's desire, or your reason for loving someone else may not be the best thing for your own good, and may even lead you to destruction.

God commanded us, love thy neighbour as yourselves.
And I also believe that out of loving my neighbours, I have to learn to love myself first. And from there, true love will come out of me for other people.
Now, I can really say that I'm glad to leave behind a lot of things.

Stupid past, Bon voyage.


 

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2 Comments:

  1. golgi apparatus said...
    Jun 1, 2010, 10:05:00 PM  
    Hey girl.You sound so sad.cheer up pls? There's so many reasons to rejoice in this beautiful world,rather than being so depressed.Think it as a bigger picture.Whatever that happens to you now,in five years time,won't be such a big deal anymore yea? so just lay back,and enjoy the ride.Life's a rollercoaster, you wont know what's next! God bless. =)
    Ern T. said...
    Jun 2, 2010, 12:52:00 PM  
    hi, thx for the advice =) im feeling okay actually, jus that i express myself in a depressed manner. haha.
    oh and, do i know u in person? sorry!

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