If We Could Shout, Would You Do the Same?: Belonging somewhere else

Dec 23, 2009

Posted by Ern T. at 12:57 AM

I have a feeling that i don't belong here.

As weird as it is, the people that i've met along this journey, seems like i'm still walking alone.

People tell me how good I am to them.

As much as I want to say thanks, it's quite hard to really say that, i put in effort to be nice to you.

Maybe i'm already a nice person in general, but i want to be an extra nice person to certain people.

Those certain people, feels like they're not here yet.

Because to those whom I have given the extra, it's not what I thought it would bring me.

I am happy to give. But what I get is not happiness now, but emptiness.

And when I receive, I receive unexpectedly from people whom I never think of.

Sometimes I feel guilty of this. For not appreciating those who treat me better than I think I deserve.

But sometimes it makes me angry at those who I think I should receive from. Because of the extra that I have given.

Maybe I'm giving to the wrong people.

Sigh, why are my relationships so weird????