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4 years ago
Apr 27, 2010
A Story Cannot End Without an Ending, and Cannot Begin Without A New Beginning.
0 comments Posted by Ern T. at 5:16 AMYou know, sometimes when I try to cling on to the past even though I know it's not the same any more, or that I'm doing it for the sake of the past, unless that person was exceptional, divinely appointed by God, a life-long relationship, I solely believe it's a waste of time.
I should master this soon. Because ahead of me, I see doors of opportunities, faces I've never met before, hands I've never shaken, hearts never known. My heart is filled to the brim that it cannot contain anything new. If I close myself up and if I still will myself to be chained by the ghost of my past, I think there's no point in me being in a new place with new friends, because wherever I go, I'm still haunted by the very same thing.
So,
with the power that I possess, that God has bestowed on me.
I want to break free.
And never look back.
To learn, not, forget.
To run forward, and not, away.
Labels: Hope
Apr 26, 2010
Okay, to be honest, I backspaced a "damn right, bitch" just then.
Oh well, life goes on. I've had enough of bitches and bitchy situations already.
To someone who screwed up my weekend thousands of miles away:
I know who I am, and what I stand for.
My word is as good as it is.
I know I'm busy, but that doesn't stop me from making time and consideration for you.
If you say, "I forgot", or "I couldn't make it online to tell you",
there's no excuse, cause you can always send me a text message or whatever. But you didn't.
Instead, all you say is sorry for ditching our appointment that you've set.
It's either this is not important, or you're just being a selfish bitch, doing whatever you want, according to your feelings, your time.
You know, when you wasted my time and energy, and then expect to be fine with it. Even though you said sorry, it doesn't mean anything to me, because your own words doesn't mean anything to you as well. How can I trust you then?
Before I say, I promise, I know I do have the ability to do it. So there's no excuse for me to go back on my word unless I stop committing myself to it.
I'm committed but are you?
Even though I honestly do not agree with you on many things, even though I really don't like you for reasons that I can't help. But I won't be a bitch about it. I was always there when you needed me. Gave you the best advice I can give when you were searching. Because you told me that I'm a close friend. I am responsible for my words and actions. I feel responsible in caring for you.
Friendships are not just having fun, partying and goofing around.
Best friends are not defined by how many good things you have with each other only, but also all the bad things you are willing to stand through together, for the sake of love.
Actions are expressions of love.
I gave my heart and soul despite of disliking you. Did you know that?
You are really, a huge disappointment.
And that's really your fault and no one else's.
Labels: Hate posts
Apr 24, 2010
Sometimes I feel Life's a joke.
Well, honestly who doesn't? When things get f***ed up we all throw our hands into the air and wonder what we've done wrong to deserve whatever it is and say, "You gotta be kidding me!!!, SHIT....!!"
Today, I want to feel pure exhaustion, physically cause I'm already fatigued mentally.
Right now, I feel like beating the crap out of my brain. Or exercise some punches and kicks to a punch bag as a victim of my mood swings, but I don't have one. I want to feel a little bit sore, a little pain. Or maybe I want excruciating pain.
I wonder how sadistic I can get. This is scary.
Music, blasting in my ears. Frantic electric guitar players on their instruments like rock gods. Drummers hitting hard, drumsticks almost flying as it beats up and down, creating sound and vibrates down my spine. I want some hard core activity. Yes, some rock and roll. A sort of ecstasy for my physical body, draining all my energy.
Life's done it again.
And you know what,
Maybe it's just PMS.
Stupid Girl.
Labels: Averages
Apr 15, 2010
I need to get those eye patches that you wear to sleep.
Forgot what it's called.
I wake up automatically at 8am something even though I need more sleep cause it gets too bright.
Sigh.
You know, it amazes me how many people you will meet in life.
And how many people you will lose in the process. Or get cut off. Or forget.
And how many people you wished you could continue something with. But didn't in the end.
Regret, stains my memory with you.
Those ugly blotches, even the strongest bleach solution could not wash away.
Sometimes I just want to fly all the way to wherever you are. And hold you tight. Until the coldness between us melts away.
And then I would move on, and never look back.
God, hand me a new piece of cloth. White, fresh and unstained.
I would paint it delicately, with flowers, butterflies and trees. Lovely things.
And with You guiding my hand in this designated piece of fabric.
So that it may be beautiful and pleasing in Your eyes.
Labels: Mood swings
Apr 9, 2010
Aww man.
Yesterday was the most epic night ever.
I played laser tag and it was spelled out A.W.E.S.O.M.E.!!
3 Games for 17nzd, which is not too bad.
I was best and most accurate player for the first round.
Got pawned so badly second round.
And the third I was some where in the middle.
Not too bad for a first timer eh?
I AM THE HULK(well, it's the name of my laser gun anyway). LOL.
Can't wait for another round of laser tag. Or maybe paint ball for some gruesome action.
We went to Cha for supper, a Taiwanese restaurant that serves bubble tea and uses a lot of MSG in their soups.
The walk back home was cold. Febrina (my Life Group leader) and I were freezing our assess off.
She's wearing 4 layers of clothing already.
And I, stupidly, 2 layers.
She was like " you should wear more layers from now on!!"
Winter is nearing, and they say, when it's cold, it gets lonely.
The wind caresses my skin, but sometimes, violently blows me away.
Leaving me cold from head to toe, even though I'm wrapped up and my feet is covered by my canvas shoes.
Even so,
My heart stays warm, cause I've found a safe place, to welcome a warm fire.
Life ignites, penetrating my whole being.
And there it is in its safety and comfort,
Ever glowing, ever burning.
I'm still not used to the idea of being in New Zealand.
I am in love with Wellington, and the people in it.
I wish I could paint a picture that would demonstrate exactly how I feel right now.
I am filled and contented.
So much that even that big black thorn,
that drove me thousands of miles away from its roots,
Becomes insignificant.
Labels: Averages
Apr 8, 2010
Every time I blog, it seems like it's a "Reflection Time" for me.
You know, when we were kids, IF we were naughty, we would be told to "reflect on ourselves for our bad behaviour" that sort of thing?
So, yeah...
I don't know what to blog about my 5 days of absence from the internet.
In summary, it was real awesome, really fun.
I sound so boring to read.
Ah, not in the mood for blogging.
I shall spare you guys this torture.
Ciao.
Labels: Averages
Apr 1, 2010
Let me describe the feeling of handing in assignments.
Slaving through the internet seeking for salvation (useful information), the dilemma of choosing the right inputs, the cramping of data that may or may not be useful in any near future, intensifying your whole being, feeling the strain in your head, back and ass from getting stuck in the same position during writing and sitting processes. And after much torture, you climb back to bed defeated physically but mentally, triumphed the Battle of Assignments.
The due date was today, and I handed both FCOM and MGMT assignments on time (Thank God).
The feeling I get, after the crap I exaggerated above (true to a certain extent), was only, ........................relief.
To my disappointment, I thought I would feel much more. Like, maybe I'll scream out of excitement or something. But, ... nothing came.
Sounds lame.
GAH. But anyway, moving on. Two weeks of Easter Break!!!!! DAMN, now I'm jumping for joy =D
I'll be having Easter dinner with Life Group Gang, it's gonna be an awesome time of eating, hanging out and easter eggs.
I never had easter eggs, this is my first time. I'm very excited =) And this year church has easter production. It's gonna be such a great weekend.
The rest of the holidays are used to study, which I'm looking forward to as well. I'm lagging in class.
So much can change after one year. Last year, honestly, was full of shit. falls. failure. bla bla bla. how negative can i get.
Who says starting anew equals running away from the past?
Bastards, you don't know what you're talking about that's why.
I believe for an awesome year this year. =)
WOO!!!!
PS: Celine, i bet ur happy to know that i'm happy♥♥.
;;
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